Sunday, July 23, 2017

Sunday Stroke Survival: Why Me, God?

You ever ask, "Why me, God?" as it pertains to your having a stroke? Most people do. Or, something along those lines of thoughts or rantings? I have to say that I have never asked this knowing there HAS to be a reason, but that doesn't make living post stroke any easier for me either.

Yes. It's that time again. I was hit in the face with this yet again by a stroke survivor this week. I'm still doing ministry work as a stroke survivor to other stroke survivors. So I'm addressing it here too. This person was also quick to laud their Good Works. I'm a good christian. I go to church every week. I say my prayers. I have a in dwelling Spirit. I help the poor and down trodden. I not only talk the talk, but walk the walk... the list was longer but you get the point.

(I'm using the male pronouns here though it could easily be a female)
I understand that the person is a "good" person by his actions and deeds. I also recognized he is going through the grief process (anger) over losing half the function of his body. Until this stroke, he had a very physically active, healthy life. He is still a young man, 36. He was "struck down" in his prime like so many suffering hemorrhagic strokes. By all accounts (risk factors), this shouldn't have happened to him, but it did. It happens.

How can I, a mere mortal, make this person understand that God didn't do this to him? Sometimes especially just after a stroke, the survivor isn't really looking for an answer to his question. He is asking someone to listen to him vent. This was the case this time. But later, when he is truly searching to an answer, I'll be there also. Far be it from me to know exactly why God allowed this to happen to him. I know that the doctors can tell him why medically what happened, but spiritual matters are out of most physicians' league. It takes a doctor of another sort, like me, to help them wade through the quagmire of doubts, faith, and finding answers in a book that's millennia old.


After a while, asking God for the answer feels like HE isn't listening. But HE is.

I know the pat answer is, "You aren't ready for an answer," or "It's beyond our understanding." Yeah, I've heard this too many times from ministers over the years too. I don't use these phrases. If I don't know the answer I'll say so. I believe it's better to be honest than offer some trite phrase. In their defense, they mean well. I'll pray about it and wait for the answer. you may also notice I rarely quote Bible book, chapter, and verse. I do this on purpose. Not because I can't back up what I'm saying with them, but the message is more important than the reference source here.

Sometimes, the answer comes years later. Sometimes, the answer comes in little snippets over time. Sometimes, when you least expect it, it will be a revelation that you didn't realize until you think back on it. Sometimes, it's answered in a loud, booming voice saying, "Not now!" (This personally irritates me and He knows it) It's no big surprise that patience is not one of my easily learned virtues.Sometimes, the answer comes in the form of a total stranger. I never know how God will answer my question, but He always does. It takes faith and patience. There hasn't been a burning bush since Moses.

Most times when I'm asking (yelling) for God to answer me, I don't have a quiet, listening spirit. I'm usually in the midst of turmoil. Isn't that when most people call of Him? I'm guilty of this too. I'm angry, hurt, or desperate. You too? Whew, glad it's not only me. It's like talking to an irrational person. Why waste the energy? They are too busy in the midst of whatever it is to really hear anything. Even in prayer, my mind and heart are in a jumble. Often, I receive an answer right before I fall asleep or when I awake. That's when my mind is the quietest. On rare occasions, it's while I am listening to the radio. (I listen to a christian music station) I remember once, I received an in Walmart from a stranger waiting in the checkout line. I don't think she even knew what she was saying. The point is that you have to be receptive. You may not even know you received an answer until much later an have an AH-HA moment.

What is your reason for "Why me, God?"? I dunno. For every event there are dozens of reasons why this happened to you in particular. That's being honest. I don't know all the particulars of my strokes. I do know He needed me here doing what I'm doing. How do I know? I have peace in my spirit and have gained abundant blessing in my life. The ever present encouragement I receive and souls that He's retained continues to grow as this ministry grows.

Nothing is impossible.

2 comments:

Diane said...

I hear you! I often wonder "why me?" and "why Bob?" and admit anger and frustration -- but then try to stand back and think: "there is some lesson here" or "some purpose for all of this" -- and that quiets my soul for a bit -- then Hello -- it's back to Why???? And what is this lesson/purpose? Because I don't know -- I am dying here from grief and losss And Hey God? Are you there???? Help! No answer....busy signal.. I guess
As you said, "I dunno"

My prayers are with you, I understand, hang in here. I have faith that you will.

Cockeyed Homestead said...

Diane, Great to hear from you! There is always a lesson. While my grief is lessened with the move, I still hurt and always will. I know this as you do. I just keep pushing on as you should. I'm not looking for a replacement or someone to fill the void. I'm not just getting by, but living.